pyschoanalyze-pinhead
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<pre>
I am the psychotherapist. Please, describe your problems. Each time
you are finished talking, type RET twice.
I'm QUIETLY reading the latest issue of ``BOWLING WORLD''
while my wife and two children stand QUIETLY BY..
Tell me something about your family.
"DARK SHADOWS" is on!! Hey, I think the VAMPIRE forgot his UMBRELLA!!
Why do you say hey you think the vampire forgot his umbrella?
I love FRUIT PICKERS!!
I would appreciate it if you would tell me about your relationship
with fruit.
I'm having fun HITCHHIKING to CINCINNATI or FAR ROCKAWAY!!
Earlier you said you love fruit?
AIEEEEE! I am having an UNDULATING EXPERIENCE!
Maybe your plans have something to do with this.
I will SHAVE and buy JELL-O and bring my MARRIAGE MANUAL!!
What makes you believe that?
Somewhere in DOWNTOWN BURBANK a prostitute is OVERCOOKING a LAMB CHOP!!
Are you afraid of sex?
BELA LUGOSI is my co-pilot..
You mentioned that you love fruit?
Yow! It's some people inside the wall! This is better than mopping!
Is it because of your life that you are going through all this?
Hello. Just walk along and try NOT to think about your
INTESTINES being almost FORTY YARDS LONG!!
I don't understand.
I'm sitting on my SPEED QUEEN.. To me, it's ENJOYABLE..
I'm WARM.. I'm VIBRATORY..
Are you sure that you love fruit?
This is PLEASANT!
How do you reconcile the people you hang around with?
KARL MALDEN'S NOSE just won an ACADEMY AWARD!!
Is it because of problems at school that you say karl malden's nose
just won an academy award?
I'm having a tax-deductible experience! I need an energy crunch!!
Do you really think you might want to have an energy?
.. My pants just went on a wild rampage through
a Long Island Bowling Alley!!
Earlier you said you love fruit?
Disco oil bussing will create a throbbing naugahide pipeline running
straight to the tropics from the rug producing regions
and devalue the dollar!
Perhaps this has something to do with any hobbies you have?
As a FAD follower, my BEVERAGE choices are rich and fulfilling!
Possibly your sex life are related to this.
Will this never-ending series of PLEASURABLE EVENTS never cease?
You mentioned that you would like to have an energy?
PUNK ROCK!! DISCO DUCK!! BIRTH CONTROL!!
Is it because of hangups you have that you are going through all this?
Leona, I want to CONFESS things to you..
I want to WRAP you in a SCARLET ROBE trimmed with POLYVINYL CHLORIDE..
I want to EMPTY your ASHTRAYS...
How does it feel to want?
I feel better about world problems now!
What makes you think you feel better about world problems now?
.. I wonder if I ought to tell them about my PREVIOUS LIFE
as a COMPLETE STRANGER?
Why do you say you love fruit?
Life is selling REVOLUTIONARY HAIR PRODUCTS!
How do you reconcile your inhibitions?
Tex SEX! The HOME of WHEELS! The dripping of COFFEE!! Take me
to Minnesota but don't EMBARRASS me!!
Is it because do not embarrass you that you came to me?
Did you move a lot of KOREAN STEAK KNIVES this trip, Dingy?
Have you been frightened by that?
..Am I in a SOAP OPERA??
Earlier you said you would like to have an energy?
I guess we can live on his POT FARM in HADES!!
Is this how you relax?
Let's send the Russians defective lifestyle accessories!
Maybe this is related to some problems in your childhood?
I guess it was all a DREAM.. or an episode of HAWAII FIVE-O...
Is it because of some problems at home that you say or an episode of
hawaii five o?
I am deeply CONCERNED and I want something GOOD for BREAKFAST!
You mentioned that you would like to empty?
Do you need any MOUTH-TO-MOUTH resuscitation?
Perhaps your plans could have caused this.
Just to have MORE FUN, I'll pretend I am JAMES CAGNEY and I am having
a tense, UP-TIGHT EXPERIENCE!!
What makes you believe that?
TATTOOED MIDGETS are using ALFREDO in their SALAMI FACTORY!
Are you sure that you love fruit?
I'm having an EMOTIONAL OUTBURST!! But, uh, WHY is there a WAFFLE
in my PAJAMA POCKET??
Does it bother you that uh why is there a waffle in your pajama
pocket?
I'm an East Side TYPE..
Is it because of your life that you are going through all this?
Are we THERE yet?!
Do you really think are you there yet?
I OWN six pink HIPPOS!!
Earlier you said do not embarrass you?
BARRY.. That was the most HEART-WARMING rendition of
``I DID IT MY WAY'' I've ever heard!!
When did you first know that was the most heart warming rendition of
you did it your way'' you have ever heard?
I wonder if there's anything GOOD on tonight?
How do you reconcile the people you hang around with?
Being a BALD HERO is almost as FESTIVE as a TATTOOED KNOCKWURST.
I don't understand.
Hmmm... a PINHEAD, during an EARTHQUAKE, encounters an ALL-MIDGET FIDDLE
ORCHESTRA... ha.. ha..
Can you elaborate on that?
Does someone from PEORIA have a SHORTER ATTENTION span than me?
You mentioned that you would like to have an energy?
RELATIVES!!
Perhaps you could continue.
Was my SOY LOAF left out in th'RAIN? It tastes REAL GOOD!!
Possibly this could be the reason for problems at school?
Here I am at the flea market but nobody is buying
my urine sample bottles..
Is the fact that nobody is buying your urine sample bottles the real
reason?
How do you explain Wayne Newton's POWER over millions?
It's th' MOUSTACHE... Have you ever noticed th' way it radiates
SINCERITY, HONESTY & WARMTH? It's a MOUSTACHE you want to take
HOME and introduce to NANCY SINATRA!
Why should I get to take home?
I'm reporting for duty as a modern person. I want to do
the Latin Hustle now!
When did you first desire to do the latin?
Will it improve my CASH FLOW?
Is it because of any hobbies you have that you say will it improve
your cash flow?
Alright, you!! Imitate a WOUNDED SEAL pleading for a PARKING SPACE!!
What makes you think you would like to empty?
.. I have a VISION! It's a RANCID double-FISHWICH on an ENRICHED BUN!!
Maybe your sex life could be the reason for this.
If you STAY in China, I'll give you 4,000 BUSHELS of "ATOMIC MOUSE"
pencil sharpeners!!
Is it because of hangups you have that you are going through all this?
All I can think of is a platter of organic PRUNE CRISPS being trampled
by an army of swarthy, Italian LOUNGE SINGERS...
Earlier you said you love fruit?
Fold, fold, FOLD!! FOLDING many items!!
How do you reconcile your inhibitions?
I think my CAREER is RUINED!!
Why do you say you think your career is ruined?
Are we THERE yet?
You mentioned that uh why is there a waffle in your pajama pocket?
Those aren't WINOS--that's my JUGGLER, my AERIALIST,
my SWORD SWALLOWER, and my LATEX NOVELTY SUPPLIER!!
Perhaps this is caused by some problems in your childhood?
Are we live or on tape?
Is it because of some problems at home that you say are you live or on
tape?
That's a decision that can only be made between you & SY SPERLING!!
Does the fact that can only be made between me sy sperling explain
anything else?
My polyvinyl cowboy wallet was made in Hong Kong by Montgomery Clift!
What makes you believe do not embarrass you?
My uncle Murray conquered Egypt in 53 B.C. And I can prove it too!!
Possibly your plans are caused by this.
Zippy's brain cells are straining to bridge synapses...
Are you sure that zippy's brain cells are straining to bridge
synapses?
YOW!! I am having FUN!!
Earlier you said was the most heart warming rendition of you did it
your way'' you have ever heard?
Hey, waiter! I want a NEW SHIRT and a PONY TAIL with lemon sauce!
Have you been obsessed with to have this new?
Here we are in America... when do we collect unemployment?
What happened when do you collect unemployment?
I'm CONTROLLED by the CIA!! EVERYONE is controlled by the CIA!!
Is it because of your life that you are going through all this?
Yow! Now we can become alcoholics!
Is it because of the people you hang around with that you say now you
can become alcoholics?
FUN is never having to say you're SUSHI!!
You mentioned that you would like to have an energy?
Now I'm concentrating on a specific tank battle toward
the end of World War II!
How do you reconcile problems at school?
.. I want to perform cranial activities with Tuesday Weld!!
Why should I give to perform to you?
A dwarf is passing out somewhere in Detroit!
Do you really think a dwarf is passing out somewhere in detroit?
.. I want a COLOR T.V. and a VIBRATING BED!!!
Have you ever gotten to have this color?
Wait.. is this a FUN THING or the END of LIFE in Petticoat Junction??
What makes you think nobody is buying your urine sample bottles?
Why was I BORN?
Are you sure was you born?
I have seen these EGG EXTENDERS in my Supermarket..
.. I have read the INSTRUCTIONS...
Maybe this is because of any hobbies you have?
I haven't been married in over six years, but we had sexual counseling
every day from Oral Roberts!!
Is it because you had sexual counseling every day from oral roberts
that you came to me?
The fact that 47 PEOPLE are yelling and sweat is cascading
down my SPINAL COLUMN is fairly enjoyable!!
Are you annoyed that 47 people are yelling and sweat is cascading down
your spinal column is fairly enjoyable?
PIZZA!!
Go on, don't be afraid.
In order to make PLANS for the WEEKEND...so that we can read RESTAURANT
REVIEWS and decide to GO to that restaurant & then NEVER GO...so we can
meet a FRIEND after work in a BAR and COMPLAIN about Interior Sect'y
JAMES WATT until the SUBJECT is changed to NUCLEAR BLACKMAIL...and so
our RELATIVES can FORCE us to listen to HOCKEY STATISTICS while we
wait for them to LEAVE on the 7:48....
When did you first know that you can read restaurant reviews and
decide to go to that restaurant then not ever go so you can meet a
friend after work in a bar and complain about interior sect'y james
watt until the subject is changed to nuclear blackmail and so your
relatives can force us to listen to hockey statistics while you wait
for them to leave on the 7 48?
BARBARA STANWYCK makes me nervous!!
Is it because of your sex life that you say barbara stanwyck makes you
nervous?
Oh, FISH sticks, CHEEZ WHIZ, GIN fizz, SHOW BIZ!!
Do you drink a lot of gin?
Maybe we could paint GOLDIE HAWN a rich PRUSSIAN BLUE--
Earlier you said I would like to take home?
My DIGITAL WATCH has an automatic SNOOZE FEATURE!!
Perhaps hangups you have are because of this.
..Wait 'til those ITALIAN TEENAGERS get back to their HONDAS &
discover them to be FILLED to the BRIM with MAZOLA!!
Have you been scared of that?
My FAVORITE group is "QUESTION MARK & THE MYSTERIANS"...
You mentioned that you would like to do the latin?
I'm pretending that we're all watching PHIL SILVERS
instead of RICARDO MONTALBAN!
Is the fact that we're all watching phil silvers instead of ricardo
montalban the real reason?
I want to dress you up as TALLULAH BANKHEAD and cover you with
VASELINE and WHEAT THINS..
Why do you say you might wish to dress?
Boys, you have ALL been selected to LEAVE th' PLANET in 15 minutes!!
Is it because of your inhibitions that you are going through all this?
I know how to get the hostesses released! Give them their own
television series!
What makes you believe give them their own television series?
I pretend I'm living in a styrofoam packing crate, high in th'
SWISS ALPS, still unable to accept th' idea of TOUCH-TONE DIALING!!
Do you get high often?
Yow! Maybe I should have asked for my Neutron Bomb in PAISLEY--
Are you sure that you would like to empty?
Here we are in America... when do we collect unemployment?
What would happen if do you collect unemployment?
Uh-oh!! I forgot to submit to COMPULSORY URINALYSIS!
How do you reconcile some problems in your childhood?
... I live in a FUR-LINE FALLOUT SHELTER
Is it because of some problems at home that you say... i live in a fur
line fallout shelter?
I feel like I am sharing a ``CORN-DOG'' with NIKITA KHRUSCHEV..
Earlier you said you love fruit?
BRILL CREAM is CREAM O' WHEAT in another DIMENSION..
Possibly this has something to do with your plans?
Vote for ME -- I'm well-tapered, half-cocked, ill-conceived and
TAX-DEFERRED!
Do you really think that?
I feel like I am sharing a ``CORN-DOG'' with NIKITA KHRUSCHEV..
You mentioned that uh why is there a waffle in your pajama pocket?
Kids, the seven basic food groups are GUM, PUFF PASTRY, PIZZA,
PESTICIDES, ANTIBIOTICS, NUTRA-SWEET and MILK DUDS!!
Maybe your life have something to do with this.
I've read SEVEN MILLION books!!
What makes you think you have read seven million books?
BELA LUGOSI is my co-pilot..
Why do you say can only be made between me sy sperling?
I have many CHARTS and DIAGRAMS..
Is it because of the people you hang around with that you are going
through all this?
I like the IMPUDENT NOSE on that car.. Are you a TEEN-AGER?
Is it because of problems at school that you say are me a teen ager?
I smell a RANCID CORN DOG!
Earlier you said do not embarrass you?
I'm in direct contact with many advanced fun CONCEPTS.
How do you reconcile any hobbies you have?
I think I'll do BOTH if I can get RESIDUALS!!
I don't understand.
... I live in a FUR-LINE FALLOUT SHELTER
You mentioned that was the most heart warming rendition of you did it
your way'' you have ever heard?
Hey, LOOK!! A pair of SIZE 9 CAPRI PANTS!! They probably belong to
SAMMY DAVIS, JR.!!
Perhaps this is related to your sex life?
Are we THERE yet?!
What makes you believe are you there yet?
Talking Pinhead Blues:
Oh, I LOST my ``HELLO KITTY'' DOLL and I get BAD reception on
channel TWENTY-SIX!!
Th'HOSTESS FACTORY is closin' down and I just heard ZASU PITTS
has been DEAD for YEARS.. (sniff)
My PLATFORM SHOE collection was CHEWED up by th'dog, ALEXANDER
HAIG won't let me take a SHOWER 'til Easter.. (snurf)
So I went to the kitchen, but WALNUT PANELING whup me
upside mah HAID!! (on no, no, no.. Heh, heh)
Are you sure that you would like to have this new?
HUGH BEAUMONT died in 1982!!
This is not a healthy way of thinking.
I Know A Joke
Possibly hangups you have are related to this.
I don't believe there really IS a GAS SHORTAGE.. I think it's all
just a BIG HOAX on the part of the plastic sign salesmen--
.. to sell more numbers!!
Is it because of your inhibitions that you say to sell more numbers?
.. ich bin in einem dusenjet ins jahr 53 vor chr...
ich lande im antiken Rom... einige gladiatoren spielen scrabble...
ich rieche PIZZA...
Earlier you said you would like to have an energy?
My FAVORITE group is "QUESTION MARK & THE MYSTERIANS"...
Is it because of some problems in your childhood that you are going
through all this?
There's a lot of BIG MONEY in MISERY if you have an AGENT!!
How do you reconcile some problems at home?
Oh my GOD -- the SUN just fell into YANKEE STADIUM!!
You mentioned that you would like to perform?
We have DIFFERENT amounts of HAIR --
Maybe this could be the reason for your plans?
I represent a sardine!!
Do you really think you represent a sardine?
.. I want a COLOR T.V. and a VIBRATING BED!!!
How does it feel to want?
Yow! I threw up on my window!
What makes you think you would like to have this color?
Is this going to involve RAW human ecstasy?
Perhaps your life could have caused this.
I'm shaving!! I'M SHAVING!!
Is it because of the people you hang around with that you say you are
shaving?
This ASEXUAL PIG really BOILS my BLOOD... He's so..so.....URGENT!!
Earlier you said nobody is buying your urine sample bottles?
Mmmmmm-MMMMMM!! A plate of STEAMING PIECES of a PIG mixed
with the shreds of SEVERAL CHICKENS!!... Oh BOY!! I'm
about to swallow a TORN-OFF section of a COW'S LEFT LEG
soaked in COTTONSEED OIL and SUGAR!! .. Let's see..
Next, I'll have the GROUND-UP flesh of CUTE, BABY LAMBS
fried in the MELTED, FATTY TISSUES from a warm-blooded
animal someone once PETTED!! ... YUM!! That was GOOD!!
For DESSERT, I'll have a TOFU BURGER with BEAN SPROUTS
on a stone-ground, WHOLE WHEAT BUN!!
Is it because of problems at school that you are going through all
this?
I put aside my copy of ``BOWLING WORLD'' and think
about GUN CONTROL legislation..
Have you been afraid of that?
Kids, the seven basic food groups are GUM, PUFF PASTRY, PIZZA,
PESTICIDES, ANTIBIOTICS, NUTRA-SWEET and MILK DUDS!!
You mentioned that was you born?
Remember, if you try to ESCAPE, many APARTMENT HOPPING ALCOHOLICS will
SIMONIZE your HALLWAYS!! This is your LAST WARNING!!
How do you reconcile any hobbies you have?
OVER the underpass! UNDER the overpass! Around the FUTURE
and BEYOND REPAIR!!
Why do you say around the future and beyond repair?
.. I want to perform cranial activities with Tuesday Weld!!
Why should you get to perform?
Where's SANDY DUNCAN?
What makes you believe you had sexual counseling every day from oral
roberts?
It's NO USE.. I've gone to ``CLUB MED''!!
Possibly this is caused by your sex life?
When you get your PH.D. will you get able to work at BURGER KING?
What happened when I get my ph d will I get able to work at burger
king?
I was giving HAIR CUTS to th' SAUCER PEOPLE .. I'm CLEAN!!
Is it because of hangups you have that you say you are clean?
FISH-NET-FISH-NET-FISH-NET-FISH-NET-FISH!!
Earlier you said 47 people are yelling and sweat is cascading down
your spinal column is fairly enjoyable?
.. my NOSE is NUMB!
Maybe your inhibitions could be the reason for this.
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