Stella's working statment. Please refrase anything
The newer one!
Do you know if the college tries to think and be environmentally friendly? Or is Marlboro college like any institution and buys whats money efficient? Marlboro College does not have a purchasing policy necessary, but in this section we will take a close look at what and where, we our community is purchasing.
When purchasing iteams, Marlboro College will first think about the environment and how this will be cost efficient. Purchase items will be towards improving the communities sustainability. We will consider using money wisely in the purchasing by measuring what we could be buying for less money and possiable be reusing iteams. We will look at where the college could possible cut useless purchasisng and where we could put more money in the funds or other useful necessities.
Also, where could I find this information on the questions? Or who do I talk too???
Daniel Kalla: Your statement talks about what Marlboro College's ideal purchasing goals would be and what positive effects may result from this data collection. I doesn't really say what this section will actually talk about, which is pretty much what the statement is supposed to talk about.
What would you say instead? Because in the list we have on the pervious page, it is more evualating what we buy and how much we buy. Then we have funds which we could state where they go and how much is used every year. -Stella
Stella,
Essentially, this introduction is supposed to describe what the section will address, without making conclusions based on the results. I would say, have a sentence or two about the importance of sustainable purchasing and then say that the section will consider volumes of regular purchases, who Marlboro buys from, and its general purchasing policy or practices.
-Daniel
Stella,
Here is your current statement:
Do you know if the college tries to think and be environmentally friendly? Or is Marlboro college like any institution and buys whats money efficient? Marlboro College does not have a purchasing policy necessary, but in this section we will take a close look at what and where, we our community is purchasing.
I dislike the phrasing of the second question; it seems really critical of economic efficiency (which is still important in environmental reform), and that probably does generally describe Marlboro. I would also go into more specifics in your last sentence; something along the lines of:
This section examines Marlboro's purchasing policies and practices. It focuses on a few major purchases (paper, cleaning supplies, and electronics) and then talks about the more general aspects of purchasing at Marlboro College.
-Daniel
